The hurt inside.
So deep.
Iv lost myself so quick.
The hurt iv caused.
The hearts iv broken.
The guilt i feel.
Rooted to the bones.
This time i ruined it for myself
I cannot fix, i cannot mend.
Theres a deep hallow hole in my heart
Iv lost the most valuable thing i could hold
I dint even understand what i had
Now its gone
This mistake i cannot fix
The tears soak my pillow
Its too late
The darkness swallows me whole
Were can i turn
The hurt, the hurt, the hurt

My pillow soaking wet points fingers at me
The dark points fingers at me
I shut my ears
Trying to escape the laughter n stares.
Can i find a cover for my ears as my eyes can close shut
Im sinking , im sinking. Oh what did i do.
Worse part is im the one to blame
How does one seperate into two
How did he leads us into our own pit. My pit.
Sorry does not cut it coz the trust has been scarred never to return.
I will always look back n say it was my fault. Things will never be the same.
I love you with every single vein in me but i cant stand hurting you.
Theres only so much damage i could do if i hurt myself.
But the pain i cant stand of hurting the one i love.



Dear diary

Today has been my music day. Random songs have stood out in my mind. These are

Beyonce- i miss you
Sam Smith-not the only one
Justin Timberlake- cry me a river.

Im so tired. I love those song


Done in a moment to last few minutes
The spur of the moment
Leading to a life time

Why pretend?
When all we want is to seek personal pleasure
To satisfy our guilty pleasures
Why not come out in open
At the beggining
Instead of stringing along
Blooming and blossoming the unwanted love and attention

We secretly know
But refuse to confront
We know it from the day
Forbidden words spoken in a text
Useless empty meanings
Said while looking the other way.

His good at that.
Worse off im to blame
For falling for the same
Even when i knew it
Without anyone telling me
It wouldnt go anywhere

I wish noone saw us together
So noone questions
Im the one to face the stares, the heat
But i still dont regret The Act!
And meeting you

At the end of the day
I store in my heart
In my mind
My storage book
The time wasted
The lessons learnt

Next time
I will refuse harder and hesitate longer
Instead of blowing it all away in one moment
We care
We fall
We like easily

But we fall out
We hate
And move on
So soon
It shocks your bones

It hurts but i will be strong
I will carry on
And stand up tall
When it all blows over

I wish you well
I will be ok and heal
But you will still be you
I promise to survive.


My dearest diary.

Im sorry i have seemed to neglect you. Im being sucked into this whole working thing. Im so tired and drained emotionally, physically. To top it all im studying too. Iv lost my inspiration to write. Theres no time. Im losing touch with my inner talent. Is there a way to get back to writing? I have so much to say, so much to tell but no time at all. Please help me. I dont wanna lose you.

My happy place


Green trees, big and fresh. Red roses, sweetly scented. Palm trees, majestically tall. Green fresh grass. My happy place.

flowers 💐, orange and yellow, like the sun set. Daisies purple, white, n light yellow. Fresh air, cool breeze, fairly warm sun.

My happy place. Blanket on the floor, with my picnic basket along. N my beading basket.

Mind clear, no worries, smiles and laughter, no stress. My happy in my ears, slow jams. Not forgetting the stack of books by my side.

My picnic basket, pinkly wavered, cube shaped with compartments, packed with my favourites, sour jelly sweets, Doritos sweet chilly, bar one chocolates, fruit juices apple, berry. Sandwiches, chicken, vegies. Raw carrots, fruits: Berries, pears, bananas and oranges.

My beading basket containing my tools, my beads, scissors, string and buttons. My happy place. Me time. My happy place where I share with beloved in my heart but not in my presence. Unless he sits quietly when I want him to be or reads with me.

No stress. No worries. My happy place in description

Down days

Ever had thoughts days when everything you do just never seems to work. When the day is just horribly wrong, when all you say and do is just wrong. It hurts so bad. Nothing you do can set it right. Instead it just makes it worse. I don’t know what to do.